she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
