i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
