On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
