peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
