its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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