I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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