I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
