So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
