let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
