3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
another moral hangover. fuck.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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