It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
