Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
