final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
