awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
