not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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