Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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