The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
