I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
