if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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