The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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