so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
