guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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