before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
