Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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