so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
