Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
