I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
