You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
