I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
