How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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