You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
