Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize