Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize