I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
