The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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