I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
