Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
