his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize