No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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