Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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