if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Randomize
