Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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