I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
