He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
