New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Welp...herpes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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