I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize