So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
