Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone came in the potted fern
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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