Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
