The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
