I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
