So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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