just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His nipple licking is glorious
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