I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
