Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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