his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
