No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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