He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
