so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
